somedays, somemonths
someyears, somelifetimes
;
i feel like i could sunder at any moment
break apart in fractional fissures
;
when i wake up in back aching paralysis
i feel useless when i can’t even do the dishes
;
i become unproductively idle
surplussed, unprofitable
;
how do i remove this pain in order
to work again to earn to eat to drink to sleep
;
how do i un-hunch my back
so that my back is no longer a bridge to walk on
;
how do i un-hunch my back
without breaking the bridge under which we sleep
;
if i un-hunch my back
will i hunch again over my computer
;
to read the words of those becoming-human
descendants of the wretched of the earth
;
my ancestors tell me we are so lucky
to be striving models who deserve minority citizenship, well
;
good job corporate worker!
good job student!
;
good job professor!
good job IT worker!
;
good job tech bro!
good job nonprofit development specialist!
;
good job service worker!
good job nurse!
;
good job financial specialist!
good job barista!
;
good job custodial worker!
good job doorman!
;
good job police officer!
good job prison guard!
;
good job colonized!
good job colonizer!
;
good job human rights!
good job democracy!
;
there, i said it you did good, we’re included, we’re represented, we made it!
but.
;
is this the life we really want?
to be included?
;
what falls away once we are included?
is it the sadness i feel when i put a grateful smile on?
;
put a smile on, America’s favorite clown says
but i want to know where sadness goes when we disavow it
;
you ask me why do you feel sad
but i don’t think it’s my sadness that i feel
;
what if we share emotions?
what if the shadows you make stick to the surface of me
;
the utopias of I are always already in relation
with an abjected world that cannot exist within it
;
a dystopia it cannot fix
a death it cannot recover, but live with
;
so next time when you ask why do you feel sad
well, it is quite simple
;
i grieve for you
i feel sad in y/our place
;
for happiness cannot exist without sadness
so let me take on the burden of sadness
;
so that maybe you won’t have to
carry it all on your own
;
but do not tell me to be happy
because that also depends on you
;
maybe you can disavow it for a little sunshine
so you can continue running on empty
;
but i willfully, without remorse or vengeance
or spitefulness, feel sad for you
;
i don’t mean to criticize
but rather i desire to carry that sad little somewhere
;
that you don’t want to carry
that chain of sadness that follows
;
in the shadows of your sun
like trains trailing wedding dresses
;
so go get married, you beautiful you
i’ll make sure you can if you want to
;
i’ll hold the somewhere of sadness
that upholds who you want to be because
;
sadness is love
sadness is grief
;
sadness is care
sadness is relief
;
sadness is life
sadness is death
;
sadness is pain
sadness is breath
;
so breathe
into the landslide
;
i know we’re afraid of changing
maybe i am too
;
since we built our lives here for each other
and that’s all we’ve ever known
;
but on the other side
i believe we can again, i’ll always do it again for you
;
so when there is nothing else to feel but sadness
when someone has taken your sunshine away
;
i’ll be the sad little somewhere
you don’t want to go
;
for when that day comes
i will be there in the blue waiting for you
;
a refuge amidst disaster, a world anew
a somewhere that gives us hope
;
somewhere we feel sad enough to care
sad enough to find each other in the somewhere;